(Eddie knows the exact moment she gets to the part about IT and gives her a slow, halting nod when she looks his way. He'd tell her more about that later. It was for her own interest that he did anyway. After all, he had asked the natives if IT was capable of coming here and they had said it was possible. No way in hell was Eddie going to just let another kid die for that.
A part of him wonders if maybe he should let...everyone knows. He realizes he'd look like a fucking nutjob, but at the same time....They were kind of all in this together, weren't they? He thinks on that as she reads the rest, and when he's given back the device, he contemplates it for a moment.
Not for long though. Soon he's looking over at what Max has to say. He bit at the inside of his cheek and gave a shaky nod.)
Yeah. That's what we're thinking too. It's kind of weird though because sometimes I wonder if maybe he misses his own Eddie? Or if I'm a fill-in or something? I don't know. Never mind. This isn't about that.
(Really, he doesn't know why he told Max that in any case. Eddie had made it clear he preferred this Richie- if only cause this Richie had more sense to him. And was...a teensy bit less brash. But Richie hadn't said much of anything about Eddie's double.
Eddie shakes his head. Refocuses.)
Anyway. So on this station, weird shit happened. Like, we went to different worlds all the time, and then other stuff. But one day we all saw our pasts? Like in detail.
Then we saw our futures.
(Eddie stops typing here, swallowing thickly. His eyes water up again and he hands the device off to Max before standing up. He gestures to Max. He can't type this. It's going to be too hard.)
[Max isn't sure if telling everyone here about other horrible possible things showing up is a good idea or not. She already knows how Hopper feels about the idea of telling anyone things about their world. But. But.
(Isn't there always a but?)
She reaches for the device when he holds it out again, but this time it's easy to see the tears in his eyes, and he's standing up, motioning her inside. Something in her chest tightens. She's trying to imagine how much worse it could get than the monster in their world. Then again, she knows better than to say things like Well at least things can't get any worse. Because things can always get worse.
Max clutches onto the device but rises to her feet quietly, assuming they're heading for his room since it's soundproof. She glances at the words as she walks, reading over them quickly and somehow managing not to fall or run into anything. She'll chalk it up to good maneuvering skills from skateboarding.
Then we saw our futures.
By the time she reads that, she's holding her breath because there's a world of ominous foreshadowing there if she's ever read it. And she really, really doesn't want there to be.
By the time they reach Eddie's room, she's handing him back the device and quietly shutting the door behind them before turning to face him silently, waiting.]
(It's exactly where they're headed. He takes the device from her once they're in his room. Eddie isn't so sure that she's been in there since he made notes on the wall against the long, empty side of his room. But he goes to it now, pointing to the list of names. Some she was no doubt familiar with, but most probably not. Either way, there's a very distinguished red line under Eddie and Stan's names, as well as Xs next to them.)
We saw-. When we're a lot older...We go back to Derry. All of us. But Stan-. He gets the call from Mike and he kills himself by-. (Eddie freezes, his eyes glazing over for a second. There had been so much blood.)
He cuts his wrists and-. I saw it. He was just too scared, you know? Too scared to go back. Bill and Richie didn't. But Bill and Richie and I- we saw us fighting IT one last time and I...(It was obvious, wasn't it? He doesn't make it out. He turns to look at the wall.)
It rips my arm off. That's how it got Georgie- Bill's brother. That's how it all started for us. Georgie was killed in fall. He was so tiny. Tinier than me. (Eddie's not even talking to Max anymore it seems, he's just whispering, stumbling a bit. It's not a gracefully told story, but it's a story he needs to tell. He had told Jake too, but that had been under better mental stability. With the dream so vivid in his mind, Eddie wasn't doing so hot.)
It ripped my arm off and then Richie was crying and I couldn't tell him- and then they leave me in the sewers...Fuck. (Eddie turns away from the wall, taking a sharp gasping breath. He leaves the wall and Max's side instantly, his hands shaking. He digs his hand under the pillow and pulls out his inhaler. He gives it a shake before taking a hit from it, letting the placebo do its work and relax him. It only just barely works.)
Now I keep- I dream of it all the time. IT, what we went through as kids, but now I dream of that stupid fucking future too and I can't-. I can't talk to Bill or Richie about it because it hurts them like hell. (He spins around, his eyes are wet and shiny, and it's a miracle he hasn't begun to cry yet.) But sometimes I get so scared about it I can't breathe. We're convinced we can change the future, but then I get those dreams and it feels so real.
[She hadn't been in his room since he'd made notes on the wall, but part of it's similar to what's on Bill's -- some of the names anyway. The rest she isn't sure what to make of. Pennywise the dancing clown? She's not sure what that means, but whatever it is makes a cold chill run down her spine.
And then he starts filling her in.
Whatever she'd thought he'd been gearing up to tell her...could not be comparable to how awful the reality is. Then again, it never is, really. She doesn't know Stan or Mike or Georgie, but it's still too all easy to imagine - her brain helpfully plugging other faces into those roles. Lucas, Dustin, Will.
She lifts her gaze to stare at him when he says his arm is ripped off. That they leave him in the sewers.]
Jesus Christ.
[Her voice is scarcely audible, face paler than usual. Her eyes widen when he moves to the bed and grabs an inhaler and she quickly moves toward him, not sure what she can do to help stop an asthma attack but willing to try at least. And then he's spinning around, telling her about his nightmares, and how he can't tell his friends because he doesn't want to hurt them. Her problems back home suddenly seem really, really minute.]
Hey. Hey. [She reaches out and lays a hand on his shoulder, because he hadn't pulled away before.]
Listen. I don't think anything is set in stone. [Her eyes are full of worry as she keeps them focused on him, but this time her voice is more firm.] No matter what you saw. I think - stuff like this place, being here, being in space on that station where you guys were - kinda proves that nothing is certain.
(This is one of those times where the details in the story don't matter quite as much as the story itself. She doesn't know them, but she didn't need to. They were important on their own right, and when he's at a better state, he could tell her all about the rest of the Losers club. For now, he was trying to remind himself that he wasn't bleeding out in Richie's arms. He doesn't want to talk about the other kinds of dreams he has. The ones where he imagines himself dead already, and just rotting in those sewers, watching Pennywise exist around him, watch rats eat the ends of his fingertips on his remaining hand.
Eddie would never play off the pain Olympics. He didn't know how to. He didn't think his life was worse or better than anyone else's. It was such a genuine thing for him too. This was just....his life. That's all there was to it. Her hands on his shoulder shock through his thoughts and ground him. He stares at her, shaking under her hands just a tiny bit, but again, he doesn't pull away.
His hand is white from how hard he's gripping his inhaler, and for some reason, it's reassuring to hear Max talk. Even just her voice was smooth, gliding over him. Then he actually focuses on the words themselves. What she's saying.
He lets out a quiet breath, giving a shaking nod.)
Yeah. Yeah you're right. Fuck. You're right. (He needs to believe it. And she's got a point.)
We're not even home. Back home. We're here. (And like she just said, it does prove that nothing is certain. He had gone through this with the others countless times. They even made a new promise about it.
Eddie can't help himself then. He steps forward and closes the space between them. His tiny arms wrap around Max tightly and he presses his face into her shoulder.)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry- I know we aren't- I'm sorry. (Because he doesn't mean to be so weak, he doesn't mean to be so needy. He's sorry to unload all of this on her at once. Maybe he should have just lied about what was wrong. And now, with his face hidden, she might be able to feel her shoulder getting a little wet.)
[Shocking him out of his thoughts is exactly why she put her hand on his shoulder. Maybe it helps that she's not that much taller than Eddie, and she looks about as threatening as a newborn calf. He's shaking beneath her hand, but not as much as a moment before.
She notices how tightly he's gripping onto his inhaler, though, and she's not sure he's out of the woods with the asthma attack yet, so she stays close, because for some reason it seems to help. She's not sure why, really.
When Eddie nods in agreement, she nods slowly, along with him, giving his shoulder a light squeeze.]
Yeah. We're here, and -- that thing isn't. [There are other monsters here, of course, but not that one, which sounds infinitely more horrifying than the demogorgon, frankly. Something that can make your own worst fears materialize? No, that's not something she wants to think about and she can barely suppress a shudder when she does.]
And you're okay. Nothing's going to get near you here. [She probably shouldn't say that, but look, whatever comes for him is going to have to come for her too. Come for all of them.
The hug is entirely unexpected. She can't remember the last time anyone hugged her. Maybe her dad, back in California? She's not really sure. She hesitantly slides her arms around him, too, and rests her hands on his back.]
Hey, it's okay. It's fine. [There's no reason for him to be apologizing in her mind. She's sort of in shock that he'd told her the truth so easily when it had been such a big deal back home with Lucas and Dustin and the others. She knows the circumstances are very different, but still. When someone extends actual trust in her, it means a lot more to her than they probably realize.]
(Eddie can't be bothered to tell her just yet. He can't tell her how that the natives had told him that IT could wind up here. It was something that still freaked him out to this day, but he knew he would have to talk about it sooner than later. He would have to tell people. He knows he isn't the only person that comes from a world of monsters, after all.
He wants to believe Max. He wants to believe that him and his friends could combat IT all over again. He wants to believe Supergirl would have enough super powers to kick any monster's ass. But Eddie wasn't so naive anymore.
Everything was uncertain.
But Max's words are soothing all the same. Maybe it would be hard. But they weren't alone.
Eddie's quiet for some time. Maybe he shouldn't of told her. But it was all so fresh for him. And besides, Eddie didn't have the same reservations as her friends had. Adults hadn't believed IT back home. Hadn't seen IT. It didn't matter whether or not they tried to tell anyone.
And honestly? Max...Eddie felt like they could trust her. He'd tell people about IT, sure, but not the intimate details like this. No way. He holds onto her for a long while, and finally, slowly, he pulls away from Max. He rubs his fists against his eyes to clear them away, giving a small sniff. He looks at her and gives a small smile.)
I'm sorry. I'd say I'm not normally a cry-baby but that'd kind of be a lie. I guess I'm- I'm still worked up. Thanks, Max. (For not laughing at him, for not telling him it was fake. For just...
[She's pretty sure being freaked out by It would be considered normal and healthy to any sane person in existence. But she's also aware there are plenty of people - possibly even people who are here, who won't believe in things like what he's described. Hell. A couple weeks ago, she would have been one of them. She's kind of ashamed of that fact now.
Everything is uncertain, but that's always been true. What she's certain of, is that if It or a Sound Eater, or anything else with ill intent comes toward anyone in this house, she will go down fighting with everything in her. And thanks to "Hot Dog," she's learning how to actually fight. She'd still rather have a nailbat like Steve's, but beggars can't be choosers.]
It's fine. [She doesn't generally cry in front of anyone, but mostly because for a long time there hasn't been anyone to cry in front of. Not safely, anyway. Not without ridicule.]
I don't think you're a cry-baby. [She shrugs a little, nonchalant.]
(It couldn't be helped. Eddie would have been reluctant to believe someone prior to IT too. Although if it had been one of his best friends, he would have believed them. A near-stranger though? Maybe not. Between his own weird experiences and the experiences back on the station, Eddie knew just about anything in the universe was possible.
Eddie might be a coward, but he knew he'd die for anyone in this house too. Max just tolerating him alone was enough to make him feel closer to him than he had before. He knew that he had felt that special connection for a reason. She really was special, wasn't she? It makes Eddie smile, even if it is a little wobbly.)
You really are Losers Club material. (It's about the biggest compliment he could think of, and he hopes she realizes that by now.)
I...I think I feel better. (Talking about things sometimes...weirdly helped. Maybe Elizabeth had been right after all about why people went to shrinks.)
You...You have nightmares too? (He gently pushed. It wasn't to deter from himself. But it was one of those things where Eddie wasn't so good at just focusing on himself. Max didn't have to tell him anything if she didn't want, but Eddie figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.)
[Max hasn't had a best friend in a long, long time. Once her mom got involved with Neil, it hadn't taken long for all the friends she did have to slowly disappear. Billy scared the shit out of them. It was some kind of game to him, she's pretty sure. So when Lucas and Dustin had approached her back home, she'd brushed them off initially. Partially because she knew Billy would never allow her to have friends in Hawkins, and partially because she didn't know how to even do the friendship thing anymore.
She'd been trying, though. Mike's dismissal had stung in more ways than one, but it was still a minor sting compared to the damage her stepbrother's done. She's used to it. She knows she's not great at this. She'd started opening up to Lucas just a little at home, not in any great detail, but he'd caught on to her meaning quickly. She's not sure really what, if anything, would have come of all of that. If they would have become better friends, or more, or if Billy would have wound up killing them both when he found out. Truthfully she's a little afraid to find out the answer.
So to hear Eddie's easy acceptance of her as one of his friends - Losers Club - and she knows what it means because Bill had filled her in - is probably the nicest thing she's heard in a long, long time. A genuine smile threatens to break through when he tells her he thinks he feels better. And then he asks her about nightmares of her own.
Max hesitates a second, then shrugs, moving to sit down on the edge of his bed.]
The quiet's...really weird. It's never this quiet at my house. Like...ever. My step-family yells a lot. {And that is putting it lightly.]
(Gosh. Eddie knew that she wasn't so certain about her own place in her friend group, but it hadn't really occurred to him that she might not have a best friend. If it had...
Eddie couldn't imagine his life without Richie or Bill in it. Without his very best friends. They were what made him even half way brave. In any case, maybe it didn't matter. It was clear that they were going to have something unique here, something close and honest. When she sits on his bed, he sits down next to her. Doesn't touch her just yet. Instead, he focuses, and just like that, it's as if his shaking and crying from before had never happened.)
Oh. (It's not a dismissive Oh. It's a quiet, acknowledging sound. He scoots a little closer, letting their legs rest together. Eddie doesn't need to be told it's the bad kind of yelling, or tha it was putting it lightly.
He knew too many adults who were cruel, and he feels his heart burn with a quiet hatred for them. Maybe not all adults, but most he'd known...)
What kinda stuff did he yell about? Did you get in trouble a lot?
[Eddie, in a lot of ways, reminds her of Will, so when he sits beside her, legs resting together, it doesn't bother her. With others, it might have. She notes that he's definitely calmer now than he had been, and she's glad for it. No one enjoys being upset. Nightmares suck.
Max is quiet for a moment, pensive expression on her face.]
Mostly my stepdad yells at my stepbrother. Sometimes at my mom or me, but not as much as he yells at Billy. [She wonders if the name will click for him from their first meeting. She won't think much of it if it doesn't though. A lot's already happened between then and now.]
My step brother is - they sorta turned him into this like, bodyguard or whatever, because they think since I'm a girl I can't take care of myself. He takes his role very seriously.
[There's no mistaking the bitterness in her voice now.]
He's angry all the time. He hates me and he hates my mom.
(It's a subtle sort of thing that Eddie will remember when it counts to remember. He doesn't reach out to her. In some way, he thinks, a girl initiating touch was a lot different than a boy. And Max didn't seem like the hugging type, but Eddie watched, waited, knowing enough about Bev to know when it might be okay, or maybe even wanted.
People who thought 'yelling' parents was just an annoyance never had parents who yelled, honestly.)
My mom yelled a lot too. (It isn't to deter the conversation back to him. No. It's to say that he understands, that he gets it. Having a life that's controlled? Eddie understands that on a nearly crippling level. He grimaces, even, at the idea of her step brother ghosting her.
Billy.
The name does ring a bell if only because Max made a point of it when they first met and that isn't something Eddie forgets. Bullies were almost as bad as adults, after all.)
I dunno. You seem like you can take better care of yourself than most kids our age. (He's not trying to flatter her either. Eddie frowns hard then.)
Why does he hate you? What, he blames his dad yelling at him on you? That's bullshit. Is that the Billy you told me about from before?
[She glances at him sideways when he says his mom yelled a lot, too. She nods slightly, knowing he's signalling his understanding rather than a desire to deter the conversation.
His comment about her being able to take care of herself makes her smile faintly. But then they're back to the main problem.
Billy.]
He hates that his dad married my mom. Hates that I exist period. [She shrugs a little, gaze growing distant as she stares at the names on his wall.]
It's whatever. It's not like I don't hate him, too.
[He's certainly given her plenty of reasons to hate him. She shrugs, pressing her lips together.]
Sounds like he's a real cocksucker. (Eddie never understood people like this. People like Henry Bowers and Bill Hargrove who took all their anger out on the people around them. He sat back a little, staring hard at the floor as he thinks.)
He's a fucking coward. (Eddie says this at last with a surprising amount of aggression coming from someone so small and so soft spoken. Except Eddie was rougher than most people realized. Both in personality and tongue.)
People like him are fucking cowards. They're angry cause they can't do shit about the situation they're in, so they take it out on the people they know they can control. The people they know they can hurt. He can't fight your step-daddy, so he's gonna fight you instead like a fucking coward.
(His nostrils flare and his hands shake with genuine rage. Like Bev's daddy. Except sometimes Eddie was positive that that man was not a coward. Oh no. There was something rotted in his very soul that had him hitting a little girl so hard she went black and blue in the face. Eddie felt a rare sort of rage inside of him and he got to his feet and turned around, staring at Max with bright gray eyes.)
I can't fight but I swear to God, if he shows up here, he'll regret it. Okay?
[It's not like Eddie's wrong. She gets it, why Billy does what he does, even if he'd never voice it. She's smart enough that she's understood, almost from the beginning, why Billy takes his anger out on her. Because there's no one else around consistently to take it out on. If he tried to take it out on her mom, his dad would double down on him, but her mom and Neil aren't around enough to notice what's happening under their roof. And Max has gotten good at hiding things.
She nods her agreement, leaning into him almost unconsciously.]
He is a coward. He's just like his dad. [She hates Neil every bit as much as she hates Billy. Sometimes she even thinks she hates her mom for marrying him in the first place. For dragging them through all the screaming fights, all the broken dishes, the hateful words and the bruises. She doesn't understand why her mom is okay staying with a piece of shit like Neil Hargrove.]
I'm learning.
[Her voice is hushed and she looks at him sideways.] That guy I went to see in house 6 when I first got here. He's teaching me. I'm gonna learn so if Billy does end up here, I can handle it.
(Eddie quiets his anger for Max, and at her leaning, he moves an arm to wrap it around her shoulders and pull her snug against his side. Maybe it would be too much but he thinks maybe it'll be okay. Eddie didn't get why people like Bev's mom or Max's mom stayed with awful men either. He didn't get a whole lot about the world. He just knew a lot of it was ugly and twisted.
'Hot Dog'. The name resonates instantly and Eddie gives a slow nod. Frank and David....They seemed...Kind. Eddie was wary to think such a thing, but honestly, after the help Frank had given them already...He knew deep in the pit of his belly that it was okay to trust them. Even if only a little bit.)
You don't have to handle it alone.
(Eddie would do his best to keep her safe too. On top of that, he knew his friends would never tolerate that sort of thing. They didn't with Bev and they wouldn't with Max. They were strongest together, not scattered apart left to defend themselves on their own terms. He squeezes Max a little tighter.)
[She's only slightly surprised by the gesture at this point. It's been a long, shitty night for both of them. She exhales slowly, letting her eyes drift shut.
Max doesn't know Frank by anything except "Hot Dog" and she's never met or talked to David. She's still wary, but he didn't strike her as the kind to hurt kids, at least. She appreciates what Eddie is saying. If Billy shows up here, there'll be trouble one way or the other. She just hope it doesn't happen.
Odd as it is, this place is safer for her in a lot of ways that Hawkins isn't.]
Thanks, Eddie. [Her voice is hushed and she leans her head against his after a moment.]
Sure. Don't gotta thank me really. You just let me bawl like a baby on you.
(Granted, he hadn't cried that bad, but still. There was no coming out of this without being...tighter than they had been.
Similarly, this place was safer for Eddie too. Maybe the adults weren't perfect, but he had a feeling they wouldn't tolerate certain things. He half way thinks that if Henry Bowers showed up, Frank would put him in his place no problem.
At least he hoped so.
Eddie wraps his other arm around her and finally just gives her a small, harmless kiss on the top of her head before resting his cheek there.)
Anytime though. If you got shitty dreams, I'm always around, okay?
[She shrugs. She's pretty sure if she'd been having the kinds of nightmares Eddie's been having, she'd probably have woke up crying, too. She's cried over less, even though she hates crying.
It's weird, kind of, for anyone to hug her. But it's also kind of nice. She'll never say that out loud, though. She can't afford to get too soft. Still, she doesn't pull away when his other arm wraps around her.]
You, too.
[This. This is what friends are for, right? This is what she's been missing for such a long time now.
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chiming
no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 12:13 am (UTC)From:A part of him wonders if maybe he should let...everyone knows. He realizes he'd look like a fucking nutjob, but at the same time....They were kind of all in this together, weren't they? He thinks on that as she reads the rest, and when he's given back the device, he contemplates it for a moment.
Not for long though. Soon he's looking over at what Max has to say. He bit at the inside of his cheek and gave a shaky nod.)
Yeah. That's what we're thinking too. It's kind of weird though because sometimes I wonder if maybe he misses his own Eddie? Or if I'm a fill-in or something? I don't know. Never mind. This isn't about that.
(Really, he doesn't know why he told Max that in any case. Eddie had made it clear he preferred this Richie- if only cause this Richie had more sense to him. And was...a teensy bit less brash. But Richie hadn't said much of anything about Eddie's double.
Eddie shakes his head. Refocuses.)
Anyway. So on this station, weird shit happened. Like, we went to different worlds all the time, and then other stuff. But one day we all saw our pasts? Like in detail.
Then we saw our futures.
(Eddie stops typing here, swallowing thickly. His eyes water up again and he hands the device off to Max before standing up. He gestures to Max. He can't type this. It's going to be too hard.)
no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 01:17 am (UTC)From:(Isn't there always a but?)
She reaches for the device when he holds it out again, but this time it's easy to see the tears in his eyes, and he's standing up, motioning her inside. Something in her chest tightens. She's trying to imagine how much worse it could get than the monster in their world. Then again, she knows better than to say things like Well at least things can't get any worse. Because things can always get worse.
Max clutches onto the device but rises to her feet quietly, assuming they're heading for his room since it's soundproof. She glances at the words as she walks, reading over them quickly and somehow managing not to fall or run into anything. She'll chalk it up to good maneuvering skills from skateboarding.
Then we saw our futures.
By the time she reads that, she's holding her breath because there's a world of ominous foreshadowing there if she's ever read it. And she really, really doesn't want there to be.
By the time they reach Eddie's room, she's handing him back the device and quietly shutting the door behind them before turning to face him silently, waiting.]
cw: suicide and traumatic death
Date: 2018-02-23 01:27 am (UTC)From:We saw-. When we're a lot older...We go back to Derry. All of us. But Stan-. He gets the call from Mike and he kills himself by-. (Eddie freezes, his eyes glazing over for a second. There had been so much blood.)
He cuts his wrists and-. I saw it. He was just too scared, you know? Too scared to go back. Bill and Richie didn't. But Bill and Richie and I- we saw us fighting IT one last time and I...(It was obvious, wasn't it? He doesn't make it out. He turns to look at the wall.)
It rips my arm off. That's how it got Georgie- Bill's brother. That's how it all started for us. Georgie was killed in fall. He was so tiny. Tinier than me. (Eddie's not even talking to Max anymore it seems, he's just whispering, stumbling a bit. It's not a gracefully told story, but it's a story he needs to tell. He had told Jake too, but that had been under better mental stability. With the dream so vivid in his mind, Eddie wasn't doing so hot.)
It ripped my arm off and then Richie was crying and I couldn't tell him- and then they leave me in the sewers...Fuck. (Eddie turns away from the wall, taking a sharp gasping breath. He leaves the wall and Max's side instantly, his hands shaking. He digs his hand under the pillow and pulls out his inhaler. He gives it a shake before taking a hit from it, letting the placebo do its work and relax him. It only just barely works.)
Now I keep- I dream of it all the time. IT, what we went through as kids, but now I dream of that stupid fucking future too and I can't-. I can't talk to Bill or Richie about it because it hurts them like hell. (He spins around, his eyes are wet and shiny, and it's a miracle he hasn't begun to cry yet.) But sometimes I get so scared about it I can't breathe. We're convinced we can change the future, but then I get those dreams and it feels so real.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 02:04 am (UTC)From:And then he starts filling her in.
Whatever she'd thought he'd been gearing up to tell her...could not be comparable to how awful the reality is. Then again, it never is, really. She doesn't know Stan or Mike or Georgie, but it's still too all easy to imagine - her brain helpfully plugging other faces into those roles. Lucas, Dustin, Will.
She lifts her gaze to stare at him when he says his arm is ripped off. That they leave him in the sewers.]
Jesus Christ.
[Her voice is scarcely audible, face paler than usual. Her eyes widen when he moves to the bed and grabs an inhaler and she quickly moves toward him, not sure what she can do to help stop an asthma attack but willing to try at least. And then he's spinning around, telling her about his nightmares, and how he can't tell his friends because he doesn't want to hurt them. Her problems back home suddenly seem really, really minute.]
Hey. Hey. [She reaches out and lays a hand on his shoulder, because he hadn't pulled away before.]
Listen. I don't think anything is set in stone. [Her eyes are full of worry as she keeps them focused on him, but this time her voice is more firm.] No matter what you saw. I think - stuff like this place, being here, being in space on that station where you guys were - kinda proves that nothing is certain.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 02:11 am (UTC)From:Eddie would never play off the pain Olympics. He didn't know how to. He didn't think his life was worse or better than anyone else's. It was such a genuine thing for him too. This was just....his life. That's all there was to it. Her hands on his shoulder shock through his thoughts and ground him. He stares at her, shaking under her hands just a tiny bit, but again, he doesn't pull away.
His hand is white from how hard he's gripping his inhaler, and for some reason, it's reassuring to hear Max talk. Even just her voice was smooth, gliding over him. Then he actually focuses on the words themselves. What she's saying.
He lets out a quiet breath, giving a shaking nod.)
Yeah. Yeah you're right. Fuck. You're right. (He needs to believe it. And she's got a point.)
We're not even home. Back home. We're here. (And like she just said, it does prove that nothing is certain. He had gone through this with the others countless times. They even made a new promise about it.
Eddie can't help himself then. He steps forward and closes the space between them. His tiny arms wrap around Max tightly and he presses his face into her shoulder.)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry- I know we aren't- I'm sorry. (Because he doesn't mean to be so weak, he doesn't mean to be so needy. He's sorry to unload all of this on her at once. Maybe he should have just lied about what was wrong. And now, with his face hidden, she might be able to feel her shoulder getting a little wet.)
no subject
Date: 2018-02-23 02:45 am (UTC)From:She notices how tightly he's gripping onto his inhaler, though, and she's not sure he's out of the woods with the asthma attack yet, so she stays close, because for some reason it seems to help. She's not sure why, really.
When Eddie nods in agreement, she nods slowly, along with him, giving his shoulder a light squeeze.]
Yeah. We're here, and -- that thing isn't. [There are other monsters here, of course, but not that one, which sounds infinitely more horrifying than the demogorgon, frankly. Something that can make your own worst fears materialize? No, that's not something she wants to think about and she can barely suppress a shudder when she does.]
And you're okay. Nothing's going to get near you here. [She probably shouldn't say that, but look, whatever comes for him is going to have to come for her too. Come for all of them.
The hug is entirely unexpected. She can't remember the last time anyone hugged her. Maybe her dad, back in California? She's not really sure. She hesitantly slides her arms around him, too, and rests her hands on his back.]
Hey, it's okay. It's fine. [There's no reason for him to be apologizing in her mind. She's sort of in shock that he'd told her the truth so easily when it had been such a big deal back home with Lucas and Dustin and the others. She knows the circumstances are very different, but still. When someone extends actual trust in her, it means a lot more to her than they probably realize.]
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Date: 2018-02-23 03:00 am (UTC)From:He wants to believe Max. He wants to believe that him and his friends could combat IT all over again. He wants to believe Supergirl would have enough super powers to kick any monster's ass. But Eddie wasn't so naive anymore.
Everything was uncertain.
But Max's words are soothing all the same. Maybe it would be hard. But they weren't alone.
Eddie's quiet for some time. Maybe he shouldn't of told her. But it was all so fresh for him. And besides, Eddie didn't have the same reservations as her friends had. Adults hadn't believed IT back home. Hadn't seen IT. It didn't matter whether or not they tried to tell anyone.
And honestly? Max...Eddie felt like they could trust her. He'd tell people about IT, sure, but not the intimate details like this. No way. He holds onto her for a long while, and finally, slowly, he pulls away from Max. He rubs his fists against his eyes to clear them away, giving a small sniff. He looks at her and gives a small smile.)
I'm sorry. I'd say I'm not normally a cry-baby but that'd kind of be a lie. I guess I'm- I'm still worked up. Thanks, Max. (For not laughing at him, for not telling him it was fake. For just...
Being there.)
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Date: 2018-02-23 03:15 am (UTC)From:Everything is uncertain, but that's always been true. What she's certain of, is that if It or a Sound Eater, or anything else with ill intent comes toward anyone in this house, she will go down fighting with everything in her. And thanks to "Hot Dog," she's learning how to actually fight. She'd still rather have a nailbat like Steve's, but beggars can't be choosers.]
It's fine. [She doesn't generally cry in front of anyone, but mostly because for a long time there hasn't been anyone to cry in front of. Not safely, anyway. Not without ridicule.]
I don't think you're a cry-baby. [She shrugs a little, nonchalant.]
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Date: 2018-02-23 04:51 am (UTC)From:Eddie might be a coward, but he knew he'd die for anyone in this house too. Max just tolerating him alone was enough to make him feel closer to him than he had before. He knew that he had felt that special connection for a reason. She really was special, wasn't she? It makes Eddie smile, even if it is a little wobbly.)
You really are Losers Club material. (It's about the biggest compliment he could think of, and he hopes she realizes that by now.)
I...I think I feel better. (Talking about things sometimes...weirdly helped. Maybe Elizabeth had been right after all about why people went to shrinks.)
You...You have nightmares too? (He gently pushed. It wasn't to deter from himself. But it was one of those things where Eddie wasn't so good at just focusing on himself. Max didn't have to tell him anything if she didn't want, but Eddie figured it wouldn't hurt to ask.)
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Date: 2018-02-23 05:20 am (UTC)From:She'd been trying, though. Mike's dismissal had stung in more ways than one, but it was still a minor sting compared to the damage her stepbrother's done. She's used to it. She knows she's not great at this. She'd started opening up to Lucas just a little at home, not in any great detail, but he'd caught on to her meaning quickly. She's not sure really what, if anything, would have come of all of that. If they would have become better friends, or more, or if Billy would have wound up killing them both when he found out. Truthfully she's a little afraid to find out the answer.
So to hear Eddie's easy acceptance of her as one of his friends - Losers Club - and she knows what it means because Bill had filled her in - is probably the nicest thing she's heard in a long, long time. A genuine smile threatens to break through when he tells her he thinks he feels better. And then he asks her about nightmares of her own.
Max hesitates a second, then shrugs, moving to sit down on the edge of his bed.]
The quiet's...really weird. It's never this quiet at my house. Like...ever. My step-family yells a lot. {And that is putting it lightly.]
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Date: 2018-02-23 06:09 am (UTC)From:Eddie couldn't imagine his life without Richie or Bill in it. Without his very best friends. They were what made him even half way brave. In any case, maybe it didn't matter. It was clear that they were going to have something unique here, something close and honest. When she sits on his bed, he sits down next to her. Doesn't touch her just yet. Instead, he focuses, and just like that, it's as if his shaking and crying from before had never happened.)
Oh. (It's not a dismissive Oh. It's a quiet, acknowledging sound. He scoots a little closer, letting their legs rest together. Eddie doesn't need to be told it's the bad kind of yelling, or tha it was putting it lightly.
He knew too many adults who were cruel, and he feels his heart burn with a quiet hatred for them. Maybe not all adults, but most he'd known...)
What kinda stuff did he yell about? Did you get in trouble a lot?
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Date: 2018-02-23 06:13 pm (UTC)From:Max is quiet for a moment, pensive expression on her face.]
Mostly my stepdad yells at my stepbrother. Sometimes at my mom or me, but not as much as he yells at Billy. [She wonders if the name will click for him from their first meeting. She won't think much of it if it doesn't though. A lot's already happened between then and now.]
My step brother is - they sorta turned him into this like, bodyguard or whatever, because they think since I'm a girl I can't take care of myself. He takes his role very seriously.
[There's no mistaking the bitterness in her voice now.]
He's angry all the time. He hates me and he hates my mom.
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Date: 2018-02-23 07:50 pm (UTC)From:People who thought 'yelling' parents was just an annoyance never had parents who yelled, honestly.)
My mom yelled a lot too. (It isn't to deter the conversation back to him. No. It's to say that he understands, that he gets it. Having a life that's controlled? Eddie understands that on a nearly crippling level. He grimaces, even, at the idea of her step brother ghosting her.
Billy.
The name does ring a bell if only because Max made a point of it when they first met and that isn't something Eddie forgets. Bullies were almost as bad as adults, after all.)
I dunno. You seem like you can take better care of yourself than most kids our age. (He's not trying to flatter her either. Eddie frowns hard then.)
Why does he hate you? What, he blames his dad yelling at him on you? That's bullshit. Is that the Billy you told me about from before?
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Date: 2018-02-23 10:04 pm (UTC)From:His comment about her being able to take care of herself makes her smile faintly. But then they're back to the main problem.
Billy.]
He hates that his dad married my mom. Hates that I exist period. [She shrugs a little, gaze growing distant as she stares at the names on his wall.]
It's whatever. It's not like I don't hate him, too.
[He's certainly given her plenty of reasons to hate him. She shrugs, pressing her lips together.]
Yeah. That's the one. Hargrove is his last name.
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Date: 2018-02-24 09:09 am (UTC)From:He's a fucking coward. (Eddie says this at last with a surprising amount of aggression coming from someone so small and so soft spoken. Except Eddie was rougher than most people realized. Both in personality and tongue.)
People like him are fucking cowards. They're angry cause they can't do shit about the situation they're in, so they take it out on the people they know they can control. The people they know they can hurt. He can't fight your step-daddy, so he's gonna fight you instead like a fucking coward.
(His nostrils flare and his hands shake with genuine rage. Like Bev's daddy. Except sometimes Eddie was positive that that man was not a coward. Oh no. There was something rotted in his very soul that had him hitting a little girl so hard she went black and blue in the face. Eddie felt a rare sort of rage inside of him and he got to his feet and turned around, staring at Max with bright gray eyes.)
I can't fight but I swear to God, if he shows up here, he'll regret it. Okay?
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Date: 2018-02-24 09:13 pm (UTC)From:She nods her agreement, leaning into him almost unconsciously.]
He is a coward. He's just like his dad. [She hates Neil every bit as much as she hates Billy. Sometimes she even thinks she hates her mom for marrying him in the first place. For dragging them through all the screaming fights, all the broken dishes, the hateful words and the bruises. She doesn't understand why her mom is okay staying with a piece of shit like Neil Hargrove.]
I'm learning.
[Her voice is hushed and she looks at him sideways.] That guy I went to see in house 6 when I first got here. He's teaching me. I'm gonna learn so if Billy does end up here, I can handle it.
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Date: 2018-02-25 02:38 am (UTC)From:'Hot Dog'. The name resonates instantly and Eddie gives a slow nod. Frank and David....They seemed...Kind. Eddie was wary to think such a thing, but honestly, after the help Frank had given them already...He knew deep in the pit of his belly that it was okay to trust them. Even if only a little bit.)
You don't have to handle it alone.
(Eddie would do his best to keep her safe too. On top of that, he knew his friends would never tolerate that sort of thing. They didn't with Bev and they wouldn't with Max. They were strongest together, not scattered apart left to defend themselves on their own terms. He squeezes Max a little tighter.)
You got us, okay?
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Date: 2018-02-25 04:48 am (UTC)From:Max doesn't know Frank by anything except "Hot Dog" and she's never met or talked to David. She's still wary, but he didn't strike her as the kind to hurt kids, at least. She appreciates what Eddie is saying. If Billy shows up here, there'll be trouble one way or the other. She just hope it doesn't happen.
Odd as it is, this place is safer for her in a lot of ways that Hawkins isn't.]
Thanks, Eddie. [Her voice is hushed and she leans her head against his after a moment.]
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Date: 2018-02-25 06:46 am (UTC)From:(Granted, he hadn't cried that bad, but still. There was no coming out of this without being...tighter than they had been.
Similarly, this place was safer for Eddie too. Maybe the adults weren't perfect, but he had a feeling they wouldn't tolerate certain things. He half way thinks that if Henry Bowers showed up, Frank would put him in his place no problem.
At least he hoped so.
Eddie wraps his other arm around her and finally just gives her a small, harmless kiss on the top of her head before resting his cheek there.)
Anytime though. If you got shitty dreams, I'm always around, okay?
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Date: 2018-02-26 08:43 pm (UTC)From:[She shrugs. She's pretty sure if she'd been having the kinds of nightmares Eddie's been having, she'd probably have woke up crying, too. She's cried over less, even though she hates crying.
It's weird, kind of, for anyone to hug her. But it's also kind of nice. She'll never say that out loud, though. She can't afford to get too soft. Still, she doesn't pull away when his other arm wraps around her.]
You, too.
[This. This is what friends are for, right? This is what she's been missing for such a long time now.
Belonging.]