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[The feel of his other hand wrapping around hers helps ground her, helps pull her from her panic even if only a little bit. She forces herself to take a couple slow deep breaths, focusing on the sound of Mike's voice. She's maybe a little surprised that it's Mike and not El or Lucas or her mom or even Steve there with her, but she's grateful for a familiar voice all the same. She and Mike aren't close, they've never been close, but right now she was so relieved to hear his voice that she wanted to cry. She tries to shift a little, but her entire body feels heavier than usual, weighed down. That's concerning, too, but she can feel her hand, and she can feel his hand, and -- she hears footsteps approaching.]

Don't leave me here.

Please.

[There's fear in her voice now, but she can't see and she doesn't know who's coming. It could be a nurse or it could be Vecna or --]

I won't. [ Said quickly, but resolute in it's promise all the same. Not the least of which because Lucas and El would kill him, but also because he's been hoping for a chance like this. A chance for him to say all of the things he never told her before. No, they aren't exactly close, but she's become part of the party, all the same. He may not have been her biggest fan in the beginning, but he's seen her missing El as much as he has, even if it's been from afar. He should've reached out to her. He shouldn't have let her pull away from all of them, but he'd thought maybe she needed some space. He'd never thought he'd come back from California to her in a coma.] He still has her letter tucked away in-between the pages of Lord of the Rings because he'd never been able to bring himself to read it. It would've felt too much like giving up.]

[The nurse makes her appearance, a look of surprise crossing her face, as if she'd thought Mike was trying to pull some dumb prank on her. She fusses over Max and gives him a dirty look when he doesn't let go of Max's hand and move out of her way. She promises to contact her doctor and her mother and then leaves them alone again, the room oddly quiet. Mike wants to tell her how glad he is that she's awake, but instead the question that's repeated itself over and over again in his mind slips out. At least it doesn't sound as accusatory as it could, it just sounds tired. ] Max, what were you thinking?

[She lets the nurse check her blood pressure, her heart rate, her lungs. She doesn't sound alarmed by any of it, nor does she seem surprised that Max can't see so she can only assume they'd assumed that would be the case. Questions are spinning in her own mind. How long has she been in the hospital? Were the others okay? Steve? Nancy? Robin? Eddie? Dustin? They'd all gone into the actual Upside Down to do battle with Vecna physically while she'd tried to contain him mentally. It hadn't worked out exactly, but --

El. She remembers El had shown up in there, had battled Vecna, too. And she'd had her powers back. Had that been real? Had she dreamed all of it?

She's not expecting Mike's question, doesn't really even know what he's talking about right now, because her mind is racing. All she can manage is --]

What?

[ Now isn't the right time for him to be asking this question. He can tell that much by the confusion in her voice. He tries to put himself in her shoes and think, too late, about how overwhelming everything is. But now her blank eyes are turned in his general direction and the knowledge that she may never see out of them again twists in his gut. He's never been good about holding his tongue.

He sighs, his flingers squeezing hers. ] They said you volunteered to be bait. [ He wasn't there. He doesn't know what it was like to have the clock ticking down, or the desperation they'd all felt to do something, but it still feels like a cry for help. It still feels desperate at best and a suicide mission at worst. He can't get over the fact that Nancy, Steve, Lucas were okay with her going through with it.]

You almost died. [ Almost. But she's still here. Blind and broken, but alive. He's grateful, he is, but there's also a bitterness that is hard to swallow when he thinks about Eddie.]

It was the best plan we could come up with. He was coming for me, anyway.

[And that's the reality of it. She'd made the choice, yes, but it was either make it on her own terms or just be a willing victim. And she wasn't going to be anyone's willing victim again if she had any strength inside her at all.]

Where are the others? Is everyone okay? Did = did they get that bastard?

[ He should be relieved that she doesn't seem mad at him asking the question at all, instead it just makes another pang of anger move up from his stomach into his chest.] Well, it was a stupid plan. They should've come up with something else.

[ He swallows, his expression falling. He's lucky that she's not able to see it, or maybe unlucky, since if she could, she'd know immediately something was wrong. He wishes he could sugar coat it, but there's no use. Lying would only put off the inevitable. Besides, it's not as if she really knew Eddie. Not like he and Dustin had. He knows she means the others as in the others in the party. Lucas, Dustin, Nancy, Steve...] They're fine, but he got away.

[ He doesn't know why his voice cracks, he'd thought he'd done all his crying a month ago. Maybe it's sheer frustration at everything they lost and for what? For Hawkins to fall apart at the seams anyway? For the nightmare to just be continued? He does his best to fight the threat of tears, clearing his tightening throat.] Eddie didn't make it., though.

[ There's something so much worse about saying it out loud other than just carrying the knowledge around with him. It feels like he's closing a door he didn't realize until this very moment was still open. He releases her hand so he can wipe his sleeve across his eyes. This isn't the time to fall apart. He tries to reach for that familiar anger that's been burning in his gut. The only thing that's been gluing him together.] El brought you back. I don't know how, but she did.

[ He'd wanted so badly to ask her to do the same for Eddie, but he couldn't, no matter how important he was. And that felt like another betrayal, another weight that he'd have to carry around with him for the rest of his life. Doing so would've put El herself at risk and the world needed her. They all did.] You've been in a coma for over a month.

It was my plan. [There's a hint of defensiveness there. But only a hint. But hearing that Vecna got away, that he's still out there -- her stomach drops. If he's still out there, he'll be back. For her. Maybe for Nancy. Definitely for El, whom he seemed to hate the most of all of them, for whatever reason. She only knows bits and pieces of that part, that she'd gleaned from Nancy's vision.

But then Mike goes on.

Eddie. Eddie was dead. All the air leaves her lungs at that. He might not have been one of the original members of their party, but he'd gotten just as wrapped up in everything as the rest of them, by no fault of his own. And he'd gone to try and help kill that bastard -- whether to help her, or avenge Chrissy, or prove something to himself -- she's not sure the reasoning mattered. What mattered was he'd done it, and he'd gotten caught in the crossfire of a war that wasn't his.

She can't see Mike's face, but she can hear the emotion that he's trying to contain, and all it does is make tears well in her own eyes. Goddammit. She felt sick. She squeezed her eyes shut.]

Jesus.

[ He takes a few deep breaths, trying to keep himself together. The truth is he hasn't really talked to anyone about any of this. Not his parents, not the others - he's reminded why by the pressure behind his eyes and the grief eating him from the inside out.]

I should've been here. [ Another sentence that's been repeating itself over and over again in his mind. Maybe there was nothing that he would've been able to do. Or maybe he could've talked one of them out of the plan. He just doesn't know, and that's the worst part of all of this.] Maybe it might have made a difference.

[ Max's response is one of shock and he watches as she squeezes her eyes shut, like it might keep it out. This probably isn't helping her blood pressure, all things considered, but he doesn't know what else to do. He's reminded of her crying over Billy's body - God, was that only last year? - and he knows without a doubt that she knows what this feels like, even if Eddie and Billy were nothing a like.]

I'm sorry we didn't know what you were going through. [ He wants to believe it would've made a difference. That they might have been able to keep her afloat so she wouldn't become a target. It might have been someone else lying here in her place.]

[She doesn't really know if Mike being there would have changed anything at all. Maybe it would have, maybe it wouldn't. It's not like they can time travel and do things all over again differently. She exhales slowly, trying to keep herself together. Her head hurts, and her body still feels too heavy and she can't seem to move much. Her legs and arms are kind of itchy in addition to feeling heavier than usual, and she hasn't figured out yet that they're in casts still.

She turns her head toward him when he apologizes though. The sincerity there is -- it's almost too much for her to cope with. Hearing it from Lucas had been difficult enough, but hearing it from Mike? Somehow that was harder. Maybe because the two of them weren't known for trading apologies. Mostly banter and insults and once in awhile something more serious.]

It's not your fault. It's not -- it's not anyone's fault. Except Vecna's.

[And her. She's the one who pushed them all away after El moved. After things fell apart at home with her mom and Neil. After they moved into the shitty trailer.]

Yeah. [ He swallows back the other words. Words that don't really matter in the long run. Too little, too late. But at least she's still here. At least he doesn't have to try to say goodbye again. He can still feel the anger just under the surface, but she gives him somewhere to channel it.]

We'll get him, Max. We'll make him pay. [ For everything he'd done to Will, to El, to Max, to Eddie, to all of them. It was going to end one way or another and now more than ever he's ready to make sure it ends with Vecna gone for good, not matter the cost. If he was more self-aware, he might recognize the irony, but self-awareness has never been one of his strong points.]

[ He pauses, realizing that he's pretty much just bulldozed through the last month. Probably not the best way to break the news to someone who just woke up blind.] Sorry, do you want me to call Lucas and El? I've got to call the others and let them know you're awake. Are you hungry? Thirsty? You must be starving.

Yeah.

[She keeps her eyes closed for a moment, still trying to process that Eddie's dead, in no small part due to her. Because it had been her plan. Maybe not the part that involved him directly, but -- at the end of the day the results were all the same, weren't they? Her chest felt tight and it hurt to breathe. It was a familiar feeling, one she'd felt so many nights after Billy's death.]

I'm sorry. About Eddie.

[Her voice was barely audible, fingers curling more tightly around his subconsciously.]

No, just -- let them rest. They've been here a lot, right? I don't -- I don't want anything.

[ He thinks maybe she's tired. He just laid a lot of heavy stuff on her after all. But then she says she's sorry about Eddie and he swallows thickly, shaking his head even though he knows she can't see him. He takes some comfort from the feel of her fingers squeezing his back.] I'm just glad we didn't lose both of you.

[ He smiles, hoping she can hear it in his voice.] How else am I going to learn how to skateboard? [ He's reminded of the last time Max had taught him something - Californian fashion - and how stupid he'd looked. He suspects this was by design, but he can't really bring himself to hold it against her now. Objectively, it had been funny.]

Max, if I don't call them, they'll literally string me up the moment they get here. I don't think Lucas has left for more than a few hours at a time since you got here. El's been here every day, too. [ He sighs. ] She was so scared when she couldn't reach you in the inbetween.

[She wonders, fleetingly, if he wishes it had gone the other way. That she had been the one to die, and Eddie the one who was waking up in the hospital for a month long coma. She wonders just as fleetingly if that would have been the better option for everyone. Eddie had been so full of life and she'd just been existing. Like a ghost. She let those thoughts go as quickly as she could because there was no point in wondering. She'd never know the truth of it anyway.

But -- skateboarding wasn't going to be something she could teach if she was blind and that seemed like it was going to be the case. It also meant she couldn't play video games or read comics or -

Another line of thought she shut down. She chews her lower lip for a moment, knowing she was right. Lucas would be furious with Mike and she didn't want to be the cause of a rift.]

Yeah I just -- no, you're right. You should call them. [She doesn't know what to do with the information that El's been trying to reach her in that inbetween space. She remembers El fighting Vecna -- and she assumes that was real. But then everything was just...a big blank. Except.

Except she could remember hearing Eddie's voice. And she could remember hearing other voices around her that she just couldn't respond to. Where had she gone that made her unreachable to El?]

Sorry, my head's just -- [She shrugs.]

Yeah, it's okay. [ It's more than okay. She's awake. The more he thinks about how he's going to break the news, the more he realizes just how much they've all been trying to prepare themselves for the worst. This is a win in a long, long streak of painful losses. He grins and pats her hand before withdrawing his. ] You sure you don't want anything else?

[ He knows once word gets around, the whole party will be descending on her hospital room. There's barely enough room in here for three visitors, let alone a full party. ] You're only allowed to have a few visitors at a time, but if it's the party versus the nurses, my money's on us. [ He huffs out a small laugh.] But if you want me to run interference so it's not so crazy, I can do that.

Yeah, I'm okay.

[She's not hungry or thirsty or anything that can really be taken care of by anyone else. She's exhausted, which she thinks is stupid as hell considering she's been unconscious for an entire month. But she wants the others there, even if she can't see them.

My money's on the party, too, for the record. [Especially under the circumstances. She hopes maybe the circumstances will mean the nurses won't give them too much trouble.]

But no, it's fine. Let 'em all come. [She pauses now, for a minute.] I remember hearing all of you, I just -- felt like I was under water. I couldn't answer. I couldn't always understand what you were all saying, but I recognized you. [Max bites her lip.] But I don't remember hearing my mom?

You did? [ He's never personally been in a coma, but this information is more than a little interesting. It's also a little heartbreaking, thinking that Max could hear them but couldn't respond that whole time. His eyebrows knit together in consternation at her question. It's one he probably should've expected sooner than later, but he's still caught off guard by it.

He takes a breath, but finds it hard to actually form the words. He clears his throat.] I haven't seen her, but it's possible that she's coming by when I'm not here. Lucas or El would probably know more. [ He pauses.] Uh, I did hear Joyce say she survived the earthquake though.

[ He'd heard a lot more than that, but it's probably better if Joyce tells her.] I can try to call her first. If you want?

Yeah. [She goes quiet for a moment, considering. She'd heard Mike a lot, actually, unless some of that had just been her dreaming or hallucinating. But somehow she doesn't think that's the case. She doesn't really know what to do with that information. That Mike, and all her friends had been there so much, and she has no recollection of her mom having been there at all. Maybe it's a relationship that's just beyond repair at this point.]

I don't think that's been happening. With my mom. [She tries to smile but doesn't quite manage it.] But yeah, maybe call Joyce first. [So she can just get that bandaid ripped off as quickly as possible and move on with her life. Whatever that might look like in the next few weeks and months.]

[ Mike swallows, his mouth falling into a frown at her attempted smile. He doesn't know what kind of mother would leave her kid when she was in this kind of condition. He doesn't even think his dad is that cold, and he once forgot Mike at a rest stop on a family vacation. ] Things have been pretty nuts out there, maybe she's been trying to find a place for you two to live.

[ It's not much of an excuse, but it's the only thing he can think of. He knows if it were him in Max's place, Karen would have to be physically removed from the room. He reaches out and squeezes her hand again. ] But don't worry. We'll find her.

Yeah maybe. [She...doesn't think that's the case but she's too tired to try and argue the point, even with Mike. Maybe right now, especially with Mike.]

Is -- everyone in your family okay? Your parents and Holly?

[She remembers Nancy saying something about Vecna targeting his mom and Holly in her vision. She has to swallow hard when he squeezes her hand. She's so not used to this side of Mike being directed at her.]

Yeah, they're fine. [ He rolls his eyes. ] My dad's pissed the cable is out, but none of them are hurt. They still don't have any idea what's going on.

[ It's generally understood that they shouldn't drag anyone not already involved into this mess, but Mike still can't stop himself from asking. ]

Does your mom know? About all of this?

[She makes a face at that being the thing his dad's annoyed about. But...he doesn't know. And she gives her head a firm shake at that question.]

No way. We don't really talk. About anything. [She isn't sure if Mike is aware but...] She drinks. A lot.

[ He had figured as much from the small things Max and Lucas had dropped during the course of their relationship, but somehow hearing it directly from Max in these circumstances is much, much worse. He frowns. ] Okay. Don't worry, we won't tell her anything unless we don't have any other choice.

Okay. I mean, I don't think she's gonna be around anyway so it shouldn't be an issue.

{She shrugs.]

Well, we will be.

[ If it's said a little harshly it's because Mike's never been good at hiding his judgement. He can't imagine anyone that would leave their daughter behind to deal with all of this on their own, even if they didn't know or understand everything that was really going on. ]

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If you didn't know

I fight like a girl

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